Stranger
by thepetrichorgirl
Summary: (Oneshot) It hasn't been long since the Doctor has regenerated and he can't help but feel like Clara doesn't see him as the Doctor anymore. What can he do to not feel he is just a stranger in his companion's life? - Inspired on the song "Stranger" by Secondhand Serenade.


**Stranger**  


_**Turn Around  
Turn Around and fix your eye in my direction  
So there is a connection**_

The Doctor was moving around the TARDIS, walking up and down the stairs and pretending to be interested in the buttons he was pressing randomly. But he was just pretending. His interest was really focused on the girl sitting on one of the chairs near the console. She was looking at her phone but the Doctor wanted her to look at him; he wanted her to talk to him.

She had been quiet since he had picked her up and he knew why, although he was terrified to admit it. The Doctor stopped what he was doing and just stared at her, hoping she would feel his eyes on her. If she did, she would _know_.

But she didn't.

Or maybe she did, but she just kept looking at her phone as if it was the most intriguing object in the universe.

The Doctor sighed, frustrated. He sat right across from her, rubbing his face with his hands, almost giving up.

Almost.

___**I can't speak  
I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention  
I'm staring at perfection  
Take a look at me so you can see  
How beautiful you are  
**_

"Hmm." He heard a doubtful voice.

He looked up and saw her finally looking at him but somehow avoiding his eyes.

"Are you ok?" She said softly, as if she didn't know if she should be asking that at all.

And the Doctor hated that. He was the same man. She _knew_ what would happen when he regenerated. Why was she acting this way?

"_Shut up, Doctor. You can't blame her. She's human after all"_

The Doctor was talking to himself, not noticing that in front of him, his companion was still waiting for an answer. He finally paid attention to her and didn't know what to say. She wasn't just another human. She was Clara. _His_ Clara. And she was still perfect, always perfect for him, even more perfect since he looked at her with his new pair of eyes. His impossible girl, who was impossibly perfect for him. And he still didn't know what to say.

"Ah, I- " Great. Now he was stuttering.

"Doctor?" She asked and the Doctor felt a warm sensation in his hearts at the sound of her voice calling him _Doctor_. It was as if all the awkwardness surrounding them had disappeared for a moment.

"I- Yes, I'm ok" He finally replied trying to sound confident, but he really wasn't feeling confident at all.

"OK. Good."

Clara turned her attention back to her phone and the Doctor wanted to walk across the console and make her look at him. Really look at him. Couldn't she see how he was really feeling? Didn't she _always_ know? Didn't she know that the only reason he wasn't talking was because he was somehow overwhelmed by her mere presence in the room?

It seemed that for once, Clara Oswald didn't know.

___**I'm confident  
But I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you  
I knew you could see right through me**_

After a few minutes of complete silence, Clara's phone rang and she excused herself and walked to another room to answer the phone.

"_Since when she leaves the room to talk on the phone? Is she hiding something?"_

The Doctor was aware of how paranoid his thoughts were, but he couldn't help it. This was their second trip together since he had regenerated and even though they hadn't ended their first adventure in bad terms, he knew she was completely sure about him yet. About this _new_ him.

It was ironic thinking he was now a mystery for her, when she had been a mystery for him the first time he met her.

He may have been a new Doctor, but the memories were as fresh as the day he met her. He was excited and curious. But he was also nervous. Everything around her told him she was not possible, but she was. He feared she had been hiding some dark secret. That she knew more about him that she would admit.

But then again, she always knew him. She met every version of him and could read each and every face he had had.

Except this new one, apparently.

___**I saw my life flash right before my very eyes  
And I knew just what we'd turn into  
I was hoping that you could see  
Take a look at me so you can see  
**_

"Who was it?" Asked the Doctor when Clara came back.

"What? Oh, just a friend from work."

The Doctor felt something that he hadn't felt in a long time. Jealousy. It was silly and most likely unjustified, but this new him cared about his human companion more than ever. Even though he had trouble showing affection. He cared. Although thinking back it had always been there, that connection, that attraction, but his old self had always avoided it. He remembered blocking any thoughts about him and Clara off his mind. But in the end, the feelings were there, always there. And they were still there.

At least on his side.

And he had to continue avoiding those feeling. It was for the best. But it wasn't easy with her being so distant.

"A friend?"

She looked at him, frowning.

"Yes, a friend. Just a friend." She said and the Doctor wanted to punch himself for showing what he had been hiding so successfully. "Why do you ask anyway?"

"Do I need a reason? Come on, Clara, it was just a question."

He replied defensively and this time he focused on his console, trying not to look at her directly; afraid that she would read him as she used to do.

And he wanted to punch himself again because there was another opportunity wasted for her to actually _see_ him.

But, how much of what he was feeling did he want her to see?  
_  
__**Your beauty seems so far away  
I'd have to write a thousand songs to make you comprehend how beautiful you are**_

They had ended up running, as usual. That was one thing that probably would never change between them.

"That was close, oh God" She said, breathing heavily, leaning on the console as she tried to catch her breath.

"We made it, though. We always do."

The Doctor was moving quickly, making sure the TARDIS was safe in the time vortex again and they were far away from those insane creatures.

"I'll never know how, but we do." She laughed and it was the best sound of the whole universe for the Doctor, who couldn't help but smile too. "Ouch, my legs hurt. I'll go find somewhere confortable to sit down."

She walked into the ship, laughing.

"_Music, her laughter sounds like music."_ The Doctor thought, mesmerized by this human girl who was, once again, impossible.

He wondered if she knew the effect she had on him.

A part of him hoped she knew. And another hope she didn't.

_**I know that I can't make you stay  
But I would give my final breath to make you understand how beautiful you are  
Understand how beautiful you are  
**_

"Clara?"

It had been at least an hour and Clara wasn't back, so the Doctor went looking for her. He looked for her in her room and she wasn't there. He looked for her in the library and she wasn't there either.

"A little help here, old girl." He asked his TARDIS.

In a second, the hallway changed in front of him and he followed it, silently thanking his beloved ship, but he was surprised when he found himself standing in front of the door of his own bedroom. Why was Clara there?

He entered the bedroom, which he barely used, and he saw her.

She was asleep on his bed and she looked completely peaceful. As if nothing in the world could bother her right then, right there. The Doctor was curious about why she was sleeping there and not in her room, but he forgot about that and just focused on her. He wouldn't waste this chance to stare at his impossible girl without her avoiding him, looking away, or giving him strange looks; and without him pretending he didn't feel anything.

He moved a chair and sat next to the bed. For a moment he felt nothing had changed. He felt they were still the same with each other and nothing would break them apart. He wanted that to be true.

But he had noticed the changes between them. Of course, he had changed and even though he was still the same man in many ways, she wasn't convinced. Maybe it was his new personality. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't look like a 12-year-old alien anymore. Maybe it was his fault for telling her he didn't want to think of himself as her boyfriend. Maybe it was his entire fault. But he knew things had changed.

And what he feared was that, no matter how he felt, she would eventually decide to leave him. She would choose to stop traveling with him and he wouldn't blame her, because perhaps he didn't deserve her after all. Of course, if she didn't feel safe with him, it meant he didn't deserve her. And it hurt. But he would accept it if that mean she would be happy.

She never wanted her to stop smiling, never wanted her to stop being the beautiful, funny, kind girl she was.

He would give his life a million times to save hers and he would let her break his hearts into a million pieces if that was the price of her happiness.

___**You call me a stranger  
You say I'm a danger  
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight**_

Just a few minutes had passed, when the Doctor saw her frown in her sleep right before she started moving slightly. She was having a nightmare.

"No" she mumbled quietly. "No"

The Doctor was confused. What was he supposed to do? What was she dreaming about?

"Please, no. Doctor" she said and it was pretty clear that the nightmare was getting worse.

Hoping it was the right thing to do, the Doctor reached out to grab her shoulder and shook her a little.

"Clara." He whispered. "Clara? Wake up."

He had to shake her for a few more seconds until she opened her eyes and looked around, confused. As if she had forgotten where she was or what was happening.

"Clara? Are you ok? You were having a nightmare." He said, letting go of her shoulder.

Her eyes finally focused on him and there were tears there. The Doctor was suddenly scared and angry and sad, all at the same time. She had mentioned his name and now she was crying. He didn't want anything to hurt her. Not even in a dream.

"It's ok, Clara. It was just a bad dream."

"But you left me." The Doctor opened his eyes, surprised as she started to sob. "You left me again, Doctor."

"I- Clara, you know I would never leave you. Not again."

"Wouldn't you?" she was still sobbing but she sounded angry now, and she was looking at him right in the eyes. "You've done it before, Doctor. And you're just so different now and you don't care about me anymore. I really don't know who you are anymore."

It was like she had punched him right in the face. He stood up and started pacing next to the bed. If he was angry before, he was furious now. He hated himself once more, because apparently he had been pushing her away without noticing it. Or at least that's what she thought. He was a stranger for her. Just a strange, dangerous man who could leave her whenever he wanted, as if she weren't important. And it was his fault. He let those thoughts in her head. He hated himself.

"I am not leaving you." He finally said, louder than he intended to, but he couldn't help it. She didn't look scared, though. "I know I am different, I know I have changed, but please, it is still me. You can't _see_ me. I care about you, just like I did before, maybe even more. And I'm not leaving you, Clara Oswald."

"How do I know you're not lying to me? You are so unpredictable now. You don't even let me hug you! How am I supposed to believe that you care about me?"

"Because I do! I don't like hugs but I do let you hug me, don't I? I do that because it's you and I care about you! I am me and you're you and just because I am stupid sometimes in this new body it doesn't mean I don't care!" the Doctor was getting frustrated and didn't know if was making any sense or not.

Suddenly, she stood up from the bed and walked to him. For a second he thought she was going to slap him but she just looked at him. This wasn't the first time she did that but for some reason, this time felt different. She moved her right hand and placed it over his chest, feeling the beating of his racing hearts.

_**I'm broke and abandoned  
You are an angel  
Making all my dreams come true tonight  
**_

"Please, Clara. It's me, you have to trust me." His voice was almost a defeated whisper and he put a hand over hers, begging her to recognize him by the beating of his hearts.

"Do you really care about me?"

The Doctor looked up and saw hope in her eyes. He couldn't help but smile a little.

"I do."

"And you're not going to leave me." She said making it sound more like a statement than a question.

"Never." He replied. "Unless you get bored of this annoying, unpredictable Time Lord who hates hugs."

It was her turn to smile.

"Yeah, that's not an option. I think I can deal with this new you." She looked at him, mischievous and he knew what was coming before she said it. "Besides, you just said you would let me hug you, right?"

The Doctor sighed, pretending to be annoyed but he was really relieved. He wanted her to trust him. And he was willing to make an effort to overcome his problem with hugs if that would make her happy. So he just stepped back and opened his arms. The huge smile on her face was all he needed, and the warmth of her body as she hugged him tightly was gladly welcomed. Maybe this hugging thing wasn't so bad. Not that he would admit it.

She broke the hug and pulled him by the lapels of his jacket to give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Where are we going now, you grumpy old man?" she joked as he tried to hide his bewildered expression after that kiss that he was really no expecting.

"Oi!" he said. "Don't mess with the one piloting the ship, you short bossy human."

Clara laughed and walked out of the room.

___**You call me a stranger  
You say I'm a danger  
You call me a stranger**_

The Doctor touched his cheek where he could still feel her lips on his skin and smiled again. Maybe things weren't easy for her, but she trusted him. And he was going to show her that he wasn't a stranger. That he was still the Doctor. She was still _his_ Clara, _his_ impossible girl. And he was still _her_ Doctor.


End file.
